I have seen similar lists before, but I felt compelled to share my thoughts on some things people say when they find out I'm gay. Most of the comments may seem kind to the person saying them, but they often have subtle attacks toward the vulnerable one sharing sensitive details about his life. Imagine hearing at least one or more of these comments daily. It gets old.

• “Oh, well, that's okay.” It makes it sound like we need your approval to be who we are. We don't.
  

• “I still love you, but I can't condone the sin.” Do you really need to call us sinners while expressing your love for us?
  

• “You don't seem gay.” What is gay supposed to look like? We are just as diverse as everyone else.
  

• “You need to pray more.” Believe me when I tell you that so many gay men and women have spent more time in prayer about this issue than you ever will. Prayer is not a cure because there is nothing that needs to be cured.
  

• “We all have our crosses to bear.” This means that you think that being gay is and always will be an unpleasant situation we must endure. Please let us get rid of this cross and allow us to be happy about who we are.
  

• “I'll pray for you.” Thanks for the prayers, but please don't assume that I am less worthy of getting answers to my own prayers just because I am gay.
  

• “Struggling with same-sex attraction.” I read and hear this one a lot. The only struggles associated with being homosexual come from people who won't or can't understand us.
  

• “That's cool as long as you don't become one of those flamboyant gays.” No comment.
  

• “Well, we are all free to choose our own paths in life.” Choosing to be gay is just about as easy as choosing to be 6 foot 6, have dark hair and blue eyes, and be muscular with 8% body fat. Okay, maybe some of that is a choice, but you get the picture.
  

• “Just as long as you don't flaunt it, I'll be okay.” So, you will be okay as long as I suppress anything that might hint at my sexual orientation. I can pretend to be somebody else if that will make you more comfortable.
  

Like many of my friends in Utah, I often ponder about what it will take to be fully accepted in my home state. I have moments when I feel like drastic change is right around the corner, my dreams come crashing down to reality. The fall often occurs around General Conference time when a talk by one or two general authorities initiates a firestorm of online insults and arguments about religion and homosexuality.

The thought came to me while at the BYU vs. Georgia Tech football game last Saturday. I was enjoying the game with friends when all of the sudden I realized these are the people we need to convince. We need the people in these stands as our allies. 

So much work for tolerance and acceptance has been done in Salt Lake City, and it has worked. Salt Lake City and other municipalities in the county have passed non-discrimination ordinances, and life is much easier thanks to the work that has been done there. Unfortunately, that is not the case in the rest of the state.

When Salt Lake City was the first to pass anti-discrimination ordinances in 2009, fourteen other cities and counties followed their example. Not a single government entity in Utah County, however, has taken that giant leap in extending a hand of support to their LGBTQ neighbors. You can see a list of where Utah anti-discrimination laws exist here. 

The reason I think that statewide equality will come through Utah County and Provo is three-fold; Brigham Young University, Utah Valley University, and Utah's well-loved legislature.

Brigham Young University is Utah's largest university, and thousands of the school's graduates wind up living in various communities throughout the state. Attitudes about homosexuality are softening at the school, but we still have a long way to go. If we can get the school to advocate for our basic human rights, they will become a positive influence for change across Utah.

Utah Valley University is the largest public university in the state, and it's graduates also scatter throughout the state. Even though the school is in neighboring Orem, the combined student populations of BYU and UVU reaches to nearly 70,000 people. Imagine what we could accomplish in this state if we could get them all to stand on our side for equality.

Utah County also has some of the most influential members of the state legislature. Senator John Valentine is the president of the senate, and Curt Bramble from Provo was a key player in our marriage definition laws. Representative Becky Lockhart, also from Provo, is the Republican Speaker, and is one of the most powerful members of the legislature.

Although still considered the center of most conservative county in the nation, Provo made a big step forward this year when the first Provo Pride Celebration was held on September 21. The crowds may have been small compared to other festivals, but I hope it is a sign of good things to come throughout our state.

LDS Conference concluded Sunday afternoon, and I was once again disappointed by the messages that were shared. Once again, there was a lot of talk about love, but I was somehow felt like that love was offered to anyone but those of us who happen to be gay.

Elder Dallin Oaks appears to be the one that leaders have selected to carry on Boyd K. Packer's crusade against homosexuality. I believe the church has every right and duty to help its members live moral and virtuous lives, but their messages are tearing away at the hearts of many of my friends who want to believe yet feel like we are being unfairly singled out as sinners.

Once again, after conference, I was shocked and saddened by the hateful comments that a few of my friends posted on Facebook. Perhaps they didn't think they were hurtful, but when there's a subtle "take that you sinners" tone to their posts, it's hard to not take it personally. What makes it even more difficult for me, however, is that I always used General Conference as a time to reflect on my own spirituality. It was a time to listen and see what I could do to improve myself. Why do others use that time to prove why they are right and everyone else is wrong?

Thankfully, President Uchdorf was there to present a talk that touched my heart. I hope that others can listen to what he said and not judge others so harshly. Many church members need an attitude shift.